Acceptance

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WELCOME! 

Here is a picture of me with Reid Tracy of 
Hay House Publishing at a 
Writer's workshop in Las Vegas.


Watch this space for further information about my new book, Mindfully Ever After. 

Mindfully Ever After is research based with 52 tips on how to stay happily married by recognizing and preventing common pitfalls that face many couples.

As soon as the book comes off the presses, you'll be the first to know!
Thank you! 
I'm excited to share Mindfully Ever After with you!
CHAPTER 8: HOW APPRECIATION CAN RAISE YOUR DOPAMINE
Love is Energy and Energy is Everything!
INTRODUCTION

  A smiling Heart! A tingly tummy! I know that glorious glowing feeling! You have a deep inner knowing that your love will last 

forever and ever more. Whether high school sweethearts or years spent searching, you found your life’s companion, a partner to embrace 

you through all life’s highs, lows, and in betweens as you merrily row, row, row your boat through this crazy upside down world. You 

believe that you have the love of all loves, surpassing any Shakespearean play as you wistfully follow your own kaleidoscopic brick road 

to the magical land of Happily Ever After. 


Of course you’re ecstatic! But, sometimes, even with chemistry fiery enough to split an atom and promises sealed with a kiss, love just 

isn’t enough. Outside factors have a way of seeping into your lives, playing nasty tricks of illusion and negatively influencing your 

marriage. Then, just as the steady trickle of a stream erodes the mighty rock into a tiny pebble, your love is in jeopardy, yet you can’t 

identify any particular day or defining moment. It just happens. 


Regretfully, I speak from personal experience as I went from being one-half of a couple who was madly, no, scratch that, to say that I was 

“madly” in love doesn’t do my love justice. I was passionately in love. Yes, passionately is more like it---with a bold capital P. I was 

positive that we would grow old together and finish each other’s sentences. But reality stepped in after 23 years, and, faster than you can 

say “I DO,” I found myself checking single on my tax return. By the time we sought counseling, the relationship was far too fractured to be 

repaired. Divorce the only option.


Why would a divorced woman have the audacity to write a book that offers advice about love relationships? After my marriage ended, I 

felt like a complete and total failure. For the longest time, I questioned, “What did I do wrong? Why would he have an affair?” I honestly 

thought that I was a good wife. I foolishly thought that we were happy.


What lesson was I to learn?


While no one in a failed relationship is totally absolved of fault, I read how-to articles, books on marriage and searched the Internet for 

quality advice seeking absolution for any role I may have played. I craved to know why and when the erosion began. How could I have 

missed such an important moment that defined my future?


As I read university research, books, articles and listened to experts for marriage advise, I recognized a consistent message in what they 

were saying. Before long, I found myself buying legal pads and cross referencing the most common threads of information. I then took my 

notes and rewrote the findings, keeping it informative yet concise.


Forewarned is forearmed became my adopted saying as Mindfully Ever After slowly took shape. It naturally developed as a guide for 

couples to identify problems before they manifest. My hope is that you will take the time to read and reread these pages full of rich tips 

until you are able to mindfully recognize those sneaky outside factors. Prevention is key, like when you eliminate the nest of bumble bees 

burrowed under your roof’s shingles before they come swarming into your home. 


As you read Mindfully Ever After, I encourage you to take time to examine your actions of the past and your thoughts of today. Crossing 

over the marriage threshold, it’s only natural to bring along a bevy of expectations, beliefs, and perceptions from your past ---after all, 

that’s what made you who you are. To successfully nurture your love union through the days and years of togetherness takes mindful 

awareness of the combination of today and yesterdays.


There are many mindfully ever after marriages and yours is most likely one of them. You have the free-will consciousness to make that 

choice. By becoming aware of the snags and snares ahead of time, you gain sure footed confidence to keep the sanctity of your vows. 


Think of your marriage as a garden that needs to be tendered, carefully and lovingly. Regardless of how much mulch is spread, constant 

vigilance is still necessary. If not, weeds will still find a way to wiggle through, bugs will feast on lush leaves and delicate petals, and 

before the day’s end, your garden is overgrown and infested.  


While there is no one-size-fits-all for anyone, by being aware of the suggestions in Mindfully Ever After, along with your unyielding 

vigilance, you stand a better chance of preventing problems or gain know-how to quickly resolve them. As your marriage garden is 

nourished, your lives are enriched with love and light to flourish and thrive for all your days.  


Understand that life is unpredictable. There are no guarantees. As in any relationship, arguments are certain to happen and all kinds of 

problems will arise. With trust and deep faith within your heart and inner spirit, journeying hand-in-hand on this wondrous adventure 

called love, you are not alone. You have each other. 


Living in the zone of mindfulness is a pathway to a loving, calm and caring tomorrow. Thank you for accompanying Mindfully Ever After 

on your journey.  Godspeed.



Acceptance

HOW APPRECIATION CAN RAISE YOUR DOPAMINE!

by Paulette Glover on 05/27/19

APPRECIATION TIME

Set aside Appreciation Time to tell your partner something that

was done for you and why you appreciate it.

Keep it fresh by not repeating the same thing for a week.

     Morning routines are hectic! Come to think of it, so are afternoons and

 evenings. With everything going on in your life, how are you expected to

 make time to show appreciation when you barely have time to whiten your

 teeth!

    What’s the point of Appreciation Time, anyway? At first, it may seem a little silly after you’ve already said ‘thank you.’  But appreciation takes gratitude one step further by adding ‘why’ it was so meaningful to you. “I really appreciated that extra cup of coffee. You had perfect timing and brought it just as I needed a pick me up.”

    Every time you show appreciation, you’re creating positive neural pathways in the brain. These pathways become embedded memories in the subconscious.  As a result, each time you offer appreciation and gratitude, you’re automatically reinforcing positive patterns and creating a chain reaction of particular chemicals being released in the brain.

     Although the chemicals aren’t sold over the counter at the local drug store, they are conveniently located in the brain of every human being. These are natural feel-good chemical compounds named Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins.  An easy way to remember them is by using the anagram D.O.S.E. These particular chemicals are found in the neurotransmitters of the brain that work with receptors to produce positive thoughts, feelings, and actions. Although they are all considered to be Happy Chemicals, Dopamine is the one member of the feel-good chemical group that is often given credit for providing you with a rush of high while increasing your self-confidence.

      In other words, Dopamine is an innate feel-good messenger of the brain that keeps increasing every time you perform any act of kindness. It can’t help itself! As the Dopamine level increases, motivation to do more is also stimulated.

     Want to raise your Dopamine level even more? To amplify that feel good feeling, start by eating certain foods, like bananas, almonds, and dark chocolate. Another way is to have an orgasm. But since it isn’t likely, or practical, that you go throughout your day eating bananas and having orgasms, a much simpler way of boosting your happy chemicals is by showing appreciation.

     Yep, through Appreciation Time, whenever you offer praise and say why you feel grateful, your Dopamine level receives an upbeat message, improving the chances of increased kindnesses in order for the brain’s neurotransmitters to release more natural chemical bliss. All you have to do is say something nice!

     Remember to include all household members to make everyone feel appreciated. Before you know it, kids won’t need to be reminded to take out the garbage once you start noticing and appreciating when they do along with why you’re grateful.

      Get a zing from Dopamine!


Chapter II Do you acknowledge your partner's ACCOMPLISHMENTS?

by Paulette Glover on 05/23/19

Accomplishment                                            NOUN...something that has been achieved successfully.

Offer sincere praise for your partner’s accomplishments

                                Big or small, celebrate and be proud of your partner!                                   As a new bride, I wasn’t much of a cook. Oh, I conquered the basics well enough, but the challenge of making lump-free mashed potatoes and gravy escaped my kitchen prowess. They were too thick, too thin, or too lumpy. I used too much flour, too little broth, too much salt, not enough butter. Until… one Thanksgiving, I made the absolute best mashed potatoes and gravy ever made on that thankful day! Everything I cooked was perfect.  It was like the fairy godmother of lump-free food waved her magic wand and I could do no wrong.

     When my husband told me how delicious everything was and how proud he was of me, I was like a little kid! “Watch me swim!” “Watch me swing!”Watch me make gravy!” It’s embarrassing to admit, but I remember telling him every single step of the mashed potato and gravy process and how I did it!

     As adults, no one expects you to gush with every pass of the gravy boat and it’s not like I wasn’t going to write a cookbook, but I was grateful to be acknowledged.  

     While some skills come easily to one person, these same skills may be a challenge to another. Beware of letting your ego get caught up in how wonderfully clever you are with the mastery of expertise in your tool belt. Whether it’s creamy gravy, a long-awaited promotion or earning a certificate of achievement---the level of accomplishment is your own perception as to the degree of difficulty. It’s the sincere encouragement and support that go a long way in your partner’s eyes.               

     Sometimes, though, an accomplishment by one partner can be a two edged sword. When the kids became school age, and I wanted to return to the classroom, teaching jobs were scarce. My husband and I decided that I would open a wallpaper and paint store. Coming from a teaching background, building a successful business was a huge deal to me. I had to learn a lot about record keeping, ordering, and so much more. After a few years, when the business was secure and taking root in the community, my husband, who had a business degree, decided to sell his beer distributor business and join me, which was our long term goal.

     At first, I was thrilled to have a mom and pop store! But once he arrived, it was clear that we weren’t great at being co-owners. No matter what I did, it was wrong.  After a year, the Universe must have decided enough was enough when a school district called me out of nowhere, offering me a position as a long term substitute. I gratefully accepted and left the business entirely in his hands. To say he was not happy is putting it mildly. But I was a teacher. He was a businessman. Never the twain should meet in a wallpaper and paint business.

     Human nature is a funny thing when egos come into play. Of course egos are necessary to have anything accomplished in this world. But when it comes to accomplishments of your partner, egos need to be set aside. It’s time to remember that it isn’t about you, so don’t bother to offer a string of empty praises. It’s about having the genuine satisfaction that you confirmed confidence in the person you love.

     Meanwhile, if you’re on the other side of the coin, don’t let your accomplishment go to your head, or, as my mom would say, “Don’t get too big for your britches, Missy!” or “Mister” if she was talking to my brothers. It seems that anyone approaching the big britches status wasn’t worthy to be called by name. Be proud of your accomplishments, but also remember to keep it real.  

     In the movies, who do you root for? Is it the obnoxious blowhard or the guy who is humble and supportive? Besides, acknowledging your partner’s accomplishments is sexy. 

Acceptance

by Paulette Glover on 05/06/19

 Acceptance

NOUN … the act of taking or receiving something offered…the act of assenting or believing. 

   

Accept your partner with all his or her small quirks,

habits and little annoyances.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

    Uncle Mike picked his teeth with a toothpick. Aunt Jane repeatedly blew her nose then tucked her hanky up her sleeve for easy access. Annoyances to be sure, but since they were two of the kindest people ever known, these habits were accepted by the family without comment.

     Everyone has little quirks or annoyances adopted at an early age, some more annoying than others, like wiping your hands on your shirt sleeve instead of using a napkin.

     When you first began dating, everything is rosy! Each of you are putting your best foot forward focusing all of your attention on getting to know each other’s basic interests. At this level, you don’t know if he leaves sweaty socks on the living room floor, the toilet seat up, or cleans his facial hairs out of the bathroom sink. You don’t know if her clothes are strewn all over the bedroom, if she’ll use your razor on her legs or forget to put the lid on the toothpaste. These are things you learn after making a commitment.

     After living with your partner a while, the habits that you either didn’t notice or that didn’t bother you at the beginning stages may become maddening!         

     You’ve nagged, begged and pleaded for change and it still hasn’t worked. So what do you do?  Some habits are easy fixes, like using silent reminder post-a-notes on the bathroom mirror, “remember to clean out the sink” or the car steering wheel, “remember to get gas.” You need to be able to communicate how irritating it can be finding hairs in the sink or getting into a car on empty.

     Make certain to share with your partner how much you’re bothered by whatever it is.  Use your “I” statements. “Honey, I feel uncomfortable when I get into bed and it’s covered with potato chip crumbs. Could you please not eat in bed?”

     Instead of nit-picking, focus on his positive traits and have gratitude for the richness he adds to your life.  Check your anxiety level to see if there is something else that is troubling you. There’s the saying, “crap slides downhill.” In the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, when the easy going character George Bailey can’t find the missing money and the bank examiner is breathing down his neck, he starts spiraling downward.  When his son Pete tells him about the neighbor’s car, he says, “What’s the matter with our car? Isn’t it good enough for ya!’” He complains about the house being a “drafty old barn” He tells Zuzu’s teacher she’s a “silly, stupid teacher” He screams at Janie’s piano playing telling her to “Stop it!”  While this is an exaggerated scene and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as George’s, but if you have stress piling up on you every day, you could be acting out your personal stress by complaining about your partner’s habits. Think, what are you really upset about and why?

     It’s important to note that there are definite behaviors that can ruin any relationship. These go beyond the annoyances of finding potato chips in bed and often have to do with bodily functions or cleanliness, putting the job or other people first, not spending enough time together, excessive nagging or being overly critical. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, there could be underlying currents of bigger problems that need to be addressed.  

     When you accept each other’s minor quirks and habits, you remain one solid unit. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff.

You don’t need someone to complete you.

You only need someone to accept you completely.

Author unknown

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOW APPRECIATION CAN RAISE YOUR DOPAMINE

Set aside Appreciation Time to tell your partner something that 
was done for you and why you appreciate it.
Keep it fresh by not repeating the same thing for a week.


     Morning routines are hectic! Come to think of it, so are afternoons and evenings. With everything going on in your life, how are you 

expected to make time to show appreciation when you barely have time to whiten your teeth!     

     Every time you show appreciation, you’re creating positive neural pathways in the brain. These pathways become embedded memories in 

the subconscious. As a result, each time you offer appreciation and gratitude, you’re automatically reinforcing positive patterns and creating a 

chain reaction of particular chemicals being released in the brain.

  Although the chemicals aren’t sold over the counter at the local drug store, they are conveniently located in the brain of every human being. 

These are natural feel-good chemical compounds named Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins. An easy way to remember them is 

by using the anagram D.O.S.E. These particular chemicals are found in the neurotransmitters of the brain that work with receptors to produce 

positive thoughts, feelings, and actions. Although they are all considered to be Happy Chemicals, Dopamine is the one member of the feel-

good chemical group that is often given credit for providing you with a rush of high while increasing your self-confidence.

     In other words, Dopamine is an innate feel-good messenger of the brain that keeps increasing every time you perform any act of kindness. It 

can’t help itself! As the Dopamine level increases, motivation to do more is also stimulated. 

     Want to raise your Dopamine level even more? To amplify that feel good feeling, start by eating certain foods, like bananas, almonds, and 

dark chocolate. Another way is to have an orgasm. But since it isn’t likely, or practical, that you go throughout your day eating bananas and 

having orgasms, a much simpler way of boosting your happy chemicals is by showing appreciation. 

      Yep, through Appreciation Time, whenever you offer praise and say why you feel grateful, your Dopamine level receives an upbeat 

message, improving the chances of increased kindnesses in order for the brain’s neurotransmitters to release more natural chemical bliss. All 

you have to do is say something nice!

     Remember to include all household members to make everyone feel appreciated. Before you know it, kids won’t need to be reminded to 

take out the garbage once you start noticing and appreciating when they do along with why you’re grateful. 

      Get a zing from Dopamine!


ACCOMPLISHMENT

Offer sincere praise for your partner’s accomplishments.  
Big or small, celebrate and be proud of your partner!

       As a new bride, I wasn’t much of a cook. Oh, I conquered the basics well enough, but the challenge of making lump-free mashed potatoes 

and gravy escaped my kitchen prowess. They were too thick, too thin, or too lumpy. I used too much flour, too little broth, too much salt, not 

enough butter. Until… one Thanksgiving, I made the absolute best mashed potatoes and gravy ever made on that thankful day! Everything I 

cooked was perfect. It was like the fairy godmother of lump-free food waved her magic wand and I could do no wrong. 

       When my husband told me how delicious everything was and how proud he was of me, I was like a little kid! “Watch me swim!” “Watch 

me swing!” “Watch me make gravy!” It’s embarrassing to admit, but I remember telling him every single step of the mashed potato and gravy 

process and how I did it! As adults, no one expects you to gush with every pass of the gravy boat and it’s not like I wasn’t going to write a 

cookbook, but I was grateful to be acknowledged.  

       While some skills come easily to one person, these same skills may be a challenge to another. Beware of letting your ego get caught up in 

how wonderfully clever you are with the mastery of expertise in your tool belt. Whether it’s creamy gravy, a long-awaited promotion or earning 

a certificate of achievement---the level of accomplishment is your own perception as to the degree of difficulty. It’s the sincere encouragement 

and support that go a long way in your partner’s eyes.  

       Sometimes, though, an accomplishment by one partner can be a two edged sword. When the kids became school age, and I wanted to return 

to the classroom, teaching jobs were scarce. My husband and I decided that I would open a wallpaper and paint store. Coming from a teaching 

background, building a successful business was a huge deal to me. I had to learn a lot about record keeping, ordering, and so much more. After 

a few years, when the business was secure and taking root in the community, my husband, who had a business degree, decided to sell his beer 

distributor business and join me, which was our long term goal. 

       At first, I was thrilled to have a mom and pop store! But once he arrived, it was clear that we weren’t great at being co-owners. No matter 

what I did, it was wrong. After a year, the Universe must have decided enough was enough when a school district called me out of nowhere, 

offering me a position as a long term substitute. I gratefully accepted and left the business entirely in his hands. To say he was not happy is 

putting it mildly. But I was a teacher. He was a businessman. Never the twain should meet in a wallpaper and paint store. 

       Human nature is a funny thing when egos come into play. Of course egos are necessary to have anything accomplished in this world. But 

when it comes to accomplishments of your partner, egos need to be set aside. It’s time to remember that it isn’t about you, so don’t bother to 

offer a string of empty praises. It’s about having the genuine satisfaction that you confirmed confidence in the person you love. 

      Meanwhile, if you’re on the other side of the coin, don’t let your accomplishment go to your head, or, as my mom would say, “Don’t get too 

big for your britches, Missy!” or “Mister” if she was talking to my brothers. It seems that anyone approaching the big britches status wasn’t 

worthy to be called by name. Be proud of your accomplishments, but also remember to keep it real.  

      In the movies, who do you root for? Is it the obnoxious blowhard or the guy who is humble and supportive? Besides, acknowledging your 

partner’s accomplishments is sexy. 

ACCEPTANCE

         Accept your partner with all his or her small quirks, habits and little annoyances.

      Uncle Mike picked his teeth with a toothpick. Aunt Jane repeatedly blew her nose then tucked her hankie up her sleeve for easy access.

 Annoyances to be sure, but since they were two of the kindest people ever known, these habits were accepted by the family without comment.

     Everyone has little quirks or annoyances adopted at an early age, some more annoying than others, like wiping your hands on your shirt 

sleeve.  When you first began dating, everything is rosy! Each of you are putting your best foot forward focusing all of your attention on getting

 to know each other’s basic interests. At this level, you don’t know if he leaves sweaty socks on the living room floor, the toilet seat up, or 

cleans his facial hairs out of the bathroom sink. You don’t know if her clothes are strewn all over the bedroom, if she’ll use your razor on her 

legs or forget to put the lid on the toothpaste. These are things you learn after making a commitment.

     After living with your partner a while, the habits that you either didn’t notice or that didn’t bother you at the beginning stages may become 

maddening!  You’ve nagged, begged and pleaded for change and it still hasn’t worked. So what do you do? Some habits are easy fixes, like 

using silent reminder post-a-notes on the bathroom mirror, “remember to clean out the sink” or the car steering wheel, “remember to get gas.” 

You need to be able to communicate how irritating it can be finding hairs in the sink or getting into a car on empty. 

     Make certain to share with your partner how much you’re bothered by whatever it is. Use your “I” statements. “Honey, I feel uncomfortable 

when I get into bed and it’s covered with potato chip crumbs. Could you please not eat in bed?” 

     Instead of nit-picking, focus on his positive traits and have gratitude for the richness he adds to your life. Check your anxiety level to see if 

there is something else that is troubling you. There’s the saying, “crap slides downhill.” In the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, when the easy 

going character George Bailey can’t find the missing money and the bank examiner is breathing down his neck, he starts spiraling downward. 

When his son Pete tells him about the neighbor’s car, he says, “What’s the matter with our car? Isn’t it good enough for ya!’” He complains 

about the house being a “drafty old barn” He tells Zuzu’s teacher she’s a “silly, stupid teacher” He screams at Janie’s piano playing telling her to 

“Stop it!” While this is an exaggerated scene and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as George’s, but if you have stress piling up on you every day, 

you could be acting out your personal stress by complaining about your partner’s habits. Think, what are you really upset about and why? 

     It’s important to note that there are definite behaviors that can ruin any relationship. These go beyond the annoyances of finding potato chips 

in bed and often have to do with bodily functions or cleanliness, putting the job or other people first, not spending enough time together, 

excessive nagging or being overly critical. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, there could be underlying currents of bigger problems that 

need to be addressed.  

     When you accept each other’s minor quirks and habits, you remain one solid unit. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. In other 

words, don’t sweat the small stuff.  

You don’t need someone to complete you.
You only need someone to accept you completely.

                                      Author unknown