Acceptance



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Mindfully Ever After contains 52 research based tips on how to stay happily married by being mindful of the  common pitfalls 
that face many couples in today's world.

Buy it today as a
Wedding Gift
Anniversary Gift
Anyone in a relationship

Communication, Finance, Romance,
How to Fight Right
and 
In-laws
All Topics covered!
Sample chapters available on Amazon.


Love is 
Energy 

and 

Energy is 
Everything!
 Introduction
My hand naturally glided into his as though it had been there before—snug, warm, comfortable. My future husband guided me to the dance floor

 with ease, somehow knowing our bodies would fit together like yin and yang. Corny as it sounds, I felt like Cinderella meeting my Prince 

Charming. When the music stopped playing at the stroke of midnight, neither one of us wanted to say good night. So, unlike Cinderella who 

dashed away to her awaiting pumpkin, I agreed to venture onto his cousin’s well-worn pontoon boat and we leisurely puttered into the pitch 

blackness of the Monongahela River. 


It wasn’t until we were in the middle of the river that my prince realized his cousin had neglected to tell him that one of the pontoons had a major 

leak. Not that it would have mattered. As the boat’s exaggerated tilt sank deeper into the murky waters, we talked until dawn. 

A mere year after our meeting, we had the word forever engraved inside thin wedding bands that would be paid off in just twelve easy 

installments. 


We didn’t care that he had another year of college and I had my first teaching job at a salary of a whopping five thousand dollars a year. What we 

didn’t have in money was made up for with fiery chemistry that could split an atom. Convinced our love would conquer all, we called our parents 

the morning we planned to elope. This was by no means a spontaneous decision. We had previously found a little church in Maryland where there 

was a kind minister who spoke with us about love, commitment, and the sanctity of marriage. We talked about the future and how we would be one 

of those old couples who always hold hands, finish each other’s sentences, and call each other “Mom” and “Dad.” 


In truth, we had no idea what we were doing. Time proved that love wasn’t enough. Through the years, outside factors and meddlesome people 

cunningly seeped into our lives, playing manipulative games under the guise of caring. The future of our marriage was doomed; we just didn’t 

know it. Just as I had ignored the sinking pontoon, it took me twenty-three years to take responsibility for the underlying feelings of lies and deceit 

that came to define our marriage. 


By the time we sought counseling, the relationship was far too fractured to be repaired. The gray, dingy clouds aptly predicted what was to come 

that fateful day as we walked up the steps of the therapist’s office building. I, for one, had high hopes that he could save us. During that one-hour 

meeting, we first met with the psychologist together, then individually, then together again. At the second together meeting, the doctor told me that 

he needed to see my husband by himself. He said that his issues had to be dealt with before he could help us as a couple. 


With a brief sense of relief that my suspicions were confirmed, I felt a deep sigh release the tension I had been holding firmly within my body. But 

as I recovered, I realized that there was no real cause to celebrate. I felt the counselor’s gaze through his thick, black-rimmed glasses. His smile 

was gone. Neither did he give us any word of encouragement. Not one word. His solemn tone told me that we weren’t fixable. My glance moved 

to my husband as I searched for a sign of hope, but he was mindlessly staring into space. The man I shared my life with couldn’t even look at me. 

Intuitively, I knew we were over. It was a very quiet ride home. 


For the longest time, being divorced bothered me. The word stuck in my throat like a frog that couldn’t hop. The first time I had to check “single” 

on my tax return made me physically ill. Divorce shouldn’t happen to any couple as much in love as we had been. Not to us. Yet, it did.


Granted, I’ve been told that I look at the world through rose-colored glasses, and while I readily admit that I have a tendency to be gullible and 

naive, the one thing I had learned was the value of discernment, the necessity of setting boundaries, and to seek help sooner rather than later. So 

when I married again eight years later, and a boundary was broken, I offered him a choice—therapist or attorney. He chose the attorney.


While I never imagined I would be writing the intimate details of my personal life for all the world to see, I’m grateful to be able to share the 

lessons I have learned and for the spiritual guidance that led me to know that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. What began with an idea, a 

yellow tablet, and determined desire to help couples honor love, this guide developed to prevent and identify problems before they reach the point 

of no return. 


There are many mindfully ever after marriages and yours is most likely one of them. By becoming aware of the snags and snares ahead of time, 

you’re certain to gain sure-footed confidence on how to keep the sanctity of the vows you made to one another. 


The challenge for couples is blending embedded tribal beliefs, desires, and expectations to create the ideal marriage. Although there’s no one-size-

fits-all set of rules for everyone, reading this book offers the opportunity for meaningful discussion. Matrimony requires supernatural vigilance to 

recognize seemingly insignificant issues, prevent them from escalating, and reach resolution before they become a volcanic mountain of 

irresolvable differences. If you take the same tender care a winemaker exerts as he watches over his vineyard, your love is destined to mature to a 

ripe old age.


Naturally you’re going to have differences of opinions. There will be changes in job situations. And, people will float in and out of your lives who 

prove to be influential challenges. You may even have a strained living arrangement. Know that whatever has happened to you has happened to 

someone else. Pay attention and learn from others! You are not alone. By keeping your values and goals intact, you’re certain to stand in truth with 

one another for now and always. 


Although there are no guarantees in life, living in the zone of mindfulness is truly a pathway to a loving, calm, and caring tomorrow for an ever-

after lifetime of happiness. Thank you for taking Mindfully Ever After on your magnificent journey of love. I applaud your commitment.

As you embark on this incredible adventure, I wish you Godspeed. Just as the astronauts did when they rocketed to the moon, as you cross the 

threshold to a life together, strap in for the ride of your life!






Acceptance

It's Not Personal

by Paulette Glover on 05/23/20

It’s Not Personal

        Be mindful of the perceptions you make about the people around you.

Adopt the ‘It’s not personal’ belief for inner peace and contentment.

  Whatever is said or done, whether by your partner, a parent, boss, or a

 stranger in passing, know that it’s not personal! I know the internal struggle it

 takes not to personally accept insults when directly aimed at your heart. But 

know that when you do take another person’s words or actions personally,

you’re giving him or her power over you while he merrily rows his boat, 

whistling a happy tune, and your feelings are the piece of lint flicked off a 

sleeve.

     However, by changing your perception of any person, event or circumstance, an entire new scene opens up to you. For example, if I’m cut off in traffic, I replace being ticked off by changing my perception. I put myself in the offender’s place and think, maybe there’s a baby crying, perhaps he’s late for a job interview, or, she just wasn’t paying attention and didn’t mean to     

     Changing your perception is like looking through the windshield of your car, what you see is what you get--- it isn’t personal that there’s construction, detours and potholes. Even if a person’s dog craps in your yard, is it personal? Maybe she forget to bring a cleanup bag, or, could it be, that he’s just plain rude?  Accepting that there will always be rough roads, changing scenery, and people who let their dog crap in your yard as part , it’s all part of the human experience. Accept that there are rude and ignorant people regardless of where you live. And know that there are more kind and thoughtful people if you permit yourself to see them through a compassionate lens.

    Once upon a time, I was guaranteed a supervisor position if I returned to grad school for certification, which I did. Thousands of dollars in debt later, when the position became available, it was given to someone else. Was I upset? Hell, yeah.  Did I take it personally? Oh, yeah. But, by not getting the position I had worked so hard for, I was open and available to follow an incredible spiritual journey. 

     I don’t know why things happen the way that they do, but I do know that when you don’t take things personally, it may be Universe giving you the nudge needed to find the opening to your true path. Once you refuse to have your emotions dictated by other people, you’re able to surrender and open yourself to notice when new opportunities are being offered.

     Look at the people in your life. There are kind people, selfish people and judgmental people in your everyday circle of living.  It’s your choice to be with people that offer kindness and respect. Walk away from the ones with toxic energy. Once you stop taking the actions of others personally, you’ll find your relationship at home becomes less stressful and more satisfying.  It’s impossible to please everyone, so you must have the courage to be true to the one person who matters most---yourself. 

     Know that there will be people in your immediate family who won’t understand when you no longer give permission to have your buttons pushed. After all, you’ve stopped playing the game.  When you hear, “My how you’ve changed!” and you’re able to respond, “Thank you for noticing,” feel the pride of taking control of your life. Trust your inner voice. By integrating ‘It’s not personal’ as your guided truth, you gain inner peace and happiness, regardless of the bumps in the road. You’ll be able to accept them for what they are---just bumps.      

     It’s taken me years to integrate the It’s not personal philosophy, but once I did, it was liberating!   Every once in a while, I catch myself sliding and have to be mindful that the behavior of the other person has nothing to do with me.  Whatever happened, whatever was said, it isn’t personal.                                          Be mindful of the empty boats in your life and search inward. 

HOW APPRECIATION CAN RAISE YOUR DOPAMINE!

by Paulette Glover on 05/27/19

APPRECIATION TIME

Set aside Appreciation Time to tell your partner something that

was done for you and why you appreciate it.

Keep it fresh by not repeating the same thing for a week.

     Morning routines are hectic! Come to think of it, so are afternoons and

 evenings. With everything going on in your life, how are you expected to

 make time to show appreciation when you barely have time to whiten your

 teeth!

    What’s the point of Appreciation Time, anyway? At first, it may seem a little silly after you’ve already said ‘thank you.’  But appreciation takes gratitude one step further by adding ‘why’ it was so meaningful to you. “I really appreciated that extra cup of coffee. You had perfect timing and brought it just as I needed a pick me up.”

    Every time you show appreciation, you’re creating positive neural pathways in the brain. These pathways become embedded memories in the subconscious.  As a result, each time you offer appreciation and gratitude, you’re automatically reinforcing positive patterns and creating a chain reaction of particular chemicals being released in the brain.

     Although the chemicals aren’t sold over the counter at the local drug store, they are conveniently located in the brain of every human being. These are natural feel-good chemical compounds named Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, and Endorphins.  An easy way to remember them is by using the anagram D.O.S.E. These particular chemicals are found in the neurotransmitters of the brain that work with receptors to produce positive thoughts, feelings, and actions. Although they are all considered to be Happy Chemicals, Dopamine is the one member of the feel-good chemical group that is often given credit for providing you with a rush of high while increasing your self-confidence.

      In other words, Dopamine is an innate feel-good messenger of the brain that keeps increasing every time you perform any act of kindness. It can’t help itself! As the Dopamine level increases, motivation to do more is also stimulated.

     Want to raise your Dopamine level even more? To amplify that feel good feeling, start by eating certain foods, like bananas, almonds, and dark chocolate. Another way is to have an orgasm. But since it isn’t likely, or practical, that you go throughout your day eating bananas and having orgasms, a much simpler way of boosting your happy chemicals is by showing appreciation.

     Yep, through Appreciation Time, whenever you offer praise and say why you feel grateful, your Dopamine level receives an upbeat message, improving the chances of increased kindnesses in order for the brain’s neurotransmitters to release more natural chemical bliss. All you have to do is say something nice!

     Remember to include all household members to make everyone feel appreciated. Before you know it, kids won’t need to be reminded to take out the garbage once you start noticing and appreciating when they do along with why you’re grateful.

      Get a zing from Dopamine!


Chapter II Do you acknowledge your partner's ACCOMPLISHMENTS?

by Paulette Glover on 05/23/19

Accomplishment                                            NOUN...something that has been achieved successfully.

Offer sincere praise for your partner’s accomplishments

                                Big or small, celebrate and be proud of your partner!                                   As a new bride, I wasn’t much of a cook. Oh, I conquered the basics well enough, but the challenge of making lump-free mashed potatoes and gravy escaped my kitchen prowess. They were too thick, too thin, or too lumpy. I used too much flour, too little broth, too much salt, not enough butter. Until… one Thanksgiving, I made the absolute best mashed potatoes and gravy ever made on that thankful day! Everything I cooked was perfect.  It was like the fairy godmother of lump-free food waved her magic wand and I could do no wrong.

     When my husband told me how delicious everything was and how proud he was of me, I was like a little kid! “Watch me swim!” “Watch me swing!”Watch me make gravy!” It’s embarrassing to admit, but I remember telling him every single step of the mashed potato and gravy process and how I did it!

     As adults, no one expects you to gush with every pass of the gravy boat and it’s not like I wasn’t going to write a cookbook, but I was grateful to be acknowledged.  

     While some skills come easily to one person, these same skills may be a challenge to another. Beware of letting your ego get caught up in how wonderfully clever you are with the mastery of expertise in your tool belt. Whether it’s creamy gravy, a long-awaited promotion or earning a certificate of achievement---the level of accomplishment is your own perception as to the degree of difficulty. It’s the sincere encouragement and support that go a long way in your partner’s eyes.               

     Sometimes, though, an accomplishment by one partner can be a two edged sword. When the kids became school age, and I wanted to return to the classroom, teaching jobs were scarce. My husband and I decided that I would open a wallpaper and paint store. Coming from a teaching background, building a successful business was a huge deal to me. I had to learn a lot about record keeping, ordering, and so much more. After a few years, when the business was secure and taking root in the community, my husband, who had a business degree, decided to sell his beer distributor business and join me, which was our long term goal.

     At first, I was thrilled to have a mom and pop store! But once he arrived, it was clear that we weren’t great at being co-owners. No matter what I did, it was wrong.  After a year, the Universe must have decided enough was enough when a school district called me out of nowhere, offering me a position as a long term substitute. I gratefully accepted and left the business entirely in his hands. To say he was not happy is putting it mildly. But I was a teacher. He was a businessman. Never the twain should meet in a wallpaper and paint business.

     Human nature is a funny thing when egos come into play. Of course egos are necessary to have anything accomplished in this world. But when it comes to accomplishments of your partner, egos need to be set aside. It’s time to remember that it isn’t about you, so don’t bother to offer a string of empty praises. It’s about having the genuine satisfaction that you confirmed confidence in the person you love.

     Meanwhile, if you’re on the other side of the coin, don’t let your accomplishment go to your head, or, as my mom would say, “Don’t get too big for your britches, Missy!” or “Mister” if she was talking to my brothers. It seems that anyone approaching the big britches status wasn’t worthy to be called by name. Be proud of your accomplishments, but also remember to keep it real.  

     In the movies, who do you root for? Is it the obnoxious blowhard or the guy who is humble and supportive? Besides, acknowledging your partner’s accomplishments is sexy. 

Acceptance

by Paulette Glover on 05/06/19

 Acceptance

NOUN … the act of taking or receiving something offered…the act of assenting or believing. 

   

Accept your partner with all his or her small quirks,

habits and little annoyances.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

    Uncle Mike picked his teeth with a toothpick. Aunt Jane repeatedly blew her nose then tucked her hanky up her sleeve for easy access. Annoyances to be sure, but since they were two of the kindest people ever known, these habits were accepted by the family without comment.

     Everyone has little quirks or annoyances adopted at an early age, some more annoying than others, like wiping your hands on your shirt sleeve instead of using a napkin.

     When you first began dating, everything is rosy! Each of you are putting your best foot forward focusing all of your attention on getting to know each other’s basic interests. At this level, you don’t know if he leaves sweaty socks on the living room floor, the toilet seat up, or cleans his facial hairs out of the bathroom sink. You don’t know if her clothes are strewn all over the bedroom, if she’ll use your razor on her legs or forget to put the lid on the toothpaste. These are things you learn after making a commitment.

     After living with your partner a while, the habits that you either didn’t notice or that didn’t bother you at the beginning stages may become maddening!         

     You’ve nagged, begged and pleaded for change and it still hasn’t worked. So what do you do?  Some habits are easy fixes, like using silent reminder post-a-notes on the bathroom mirror, “remember to clean out the sink” or the car steering wheel, “remember to get gas.” You need to be able to communicate how irritating it can be finding hairs in the sink or getting into a car on empty.

     Make certain to share with your partner how much you’re bothered by whatever it is.  Use your “I” statements. “Honey, I feel uncomfortable when I get into bed and it’s covered with potato chip crumbs. Could you please not eat in bed?”

     Instead of nit-picking, focus on his positive traits and have gratitude for the richness he adds to your life.  Check your anxiety level to see if there is something else that is troubling you. There’s the saying, “crap slides downhill.” In the movie It’s a Wonderful Life, when the easy going character George Bailey can’t find the missing money and the bank examiner is breathing down his neck, he starts spiraling downward.  When his son Pete tells him about the neighbor’s car, he says, “What’s the matter with our car? Isn’t it good enough for ya!’” He complains about the house being a “drafty old barn” He tells Zuzu’s teacher she’s a “silly, stupid teacher” He screams at Janie’s piano playing telling her to “Stop it!”  While this is an exaggerated scene and hopefully your day isn’t as bad as George’s, but if you have stress piling up on you every day, you could be acting out your personal stress by complaining about your partner’s habits. Think, what are you really upset about and why?

     It’s important to note that there are definite behaviors that can ruin any relationship. These go beyond the annoyances of finding potato chips in bed and often have to do with bodily functions or cleanliness, putting the job or other people first, not spending enough time together, excessive nagging or being overly critical. If any of these behaviors sound familiar, there could be underlying currents of bigger problems that need to be addressed.  

     When you accept each other’s minor quirks and habits, you remain one solid unit. Change what you can and accept what you can’t. In other words, don’t sweat the small stuff.

You don’t need someone to complete you.

You only need someone to accept you completely.

Author unknown

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mindfully Ever After 
is available now
on Amazon.com
Reid Tracey of Hay House 
Publishing with Paulette